Readers Write In #644: Anything but a slut

By Aparna Namboodiripad (tonks)

I was hearing a lot of buzz on social media about how Deepika Padukone was cheating on Ranveer Singh, and people were trolling and slut- shaming her for her words, “In my mind I was committed to him, but I was seeing other people”. So I wanted to see what the hullaballo was about and I watched the entire episode of KwK on Hotstar, two days back. 

And I watched one of the most loving couples I’ve ever seen in an interview together. So loving that their relationship brought Karan Johar to tears because even though he was very happy for them, he felt sad that he does not have a partner like that in his life. Deepika also spoke about her depression, about her low phases, about the need for someone in her position to open up about mental health, to speak about her feelings so that other people going through such symptoms would realise what they were going through and seek help. She confessed she is on medication for the past ten years, and all the time there was her adoring husband holding her hand, kissing her shoulder and looking at her like she is the best thing to happen to him. And I thought to myself about how much this would help to de-stigmatise mental illness, normalise being in medication for mental illness. I was especially moved because I have lost two people I know in the recent 3 years to untreated (because of the reluctance to be on drugs) depression leading to suicide. 

And what of the infamous words by Deepika that were trolled? Deepika had said, “I wanted to be single for a while because I had come from difficult relationships. I was going through a phase where I said ‘I just don’t want to be attached, don’t want to be committed’. And I had fun! And then he came along, so I didn’t commit, until he proposed to me. There was no commitment as such. Even if we were technically allowed to see other people, we would just keep coming back to each other.” So when she first started dating him, she was also going on dates with other people. As they became closer, in her mind she became committed to him, though she was still dating others, and then after that, they became exclusive. It was a phase of her relationship before they became a couple. 

Then why the trolling?

My analysis –

1) Slut shaming where patriarchal society holds women up to a higher puritanical standard than men. Men who date many women are admired and envied as studs, but the reverse makes them shame women.

2) The Britishers imposed their Victorian morality on middle class India, and it still has an iron-hold over a major chunk of this segment of Indian society. Though the upper (and lower) classes are sexually liberated (hence Deepika’s comments). 

3) When talking to Karan who is their good friend, they become very open and honest. They probably wouldn’t talk like this to an unknown interviewer.

4) Deepika is a very honest, brave, open person without an ounce of hypocrisy. That is probably why she has in the past too spoken up about her depression. In a Vogue interview, Deepika said that when she feels really strongly or passionately about something, she doesn’t think twice about expressing herself and that she has grown to become a person unafraid of speaking her truth or owning up to mistakes. 

Sad and misplaced as this trolling is, nevertheless, I am glad the trolling led me to this interview, because like Karan, I too was moved by their wedding video, and this honest glimpse into the heart and mind of this ‘relationship -goal’ couple.