Readers Write In #793: 16 vayadhinile in my 30s

By ஒரு பெண் (A Woman)

My childhood was the best  No complaints So many friends to play with I wouldn’t be home at all  Bliss and joy was all I could feel 

Enter Teenage  Blissful it was still  Couldn’t understand what all this adolescence is about  What do they mean by raging hormones I am such a good kid who has everything under control  Chella pillai for my parents  Not a troublesome kid at all 

Enter early 20s Enjoying the freedom I am privileged to get  I make agreements with my female friends Let’s stay like this forever Isn’t this the best 

Enter late 20s..  Why do my female friends want to get married How do they hangout with some guy and say okay  I cannot understand  I feel loneliness  Forced to find a partner by family  Why is this so difficult  Why can’t I connect with a single guy  Something is wrong with me 

Early 30s World has no meaning for me  What is life – it’s purpose, meaning  I have forgotten the little joys of life because I have no friends remaining My friends are busy with their families There is no hope for me to find a partner  Because I don’t know what I am looking for  What is this attraction they are talking about 

Mid 30s.. Sudden feeling of lightness on seeing a woman  Ohhhh is this what attraction is!!  Am I a lesbian who didn’t know I was??  Let me confirm..  Navigating queer spaces Ohh this is a real feeling!  I do feel connected to some women instantly  It’s a positive shock I feel in my body  Wow! Isn’t this delightful? 

My banter with female friends all this while was kadalai?  Without me ever realizing?  I have always enjoyed that  But it had been an annoyance for my straight women friends  Now with queer women, I can see reciprocation And that makes me feel joy  Finally… again!  Ohhh the little joys of life 

And what am I singing at this moment Of experiencing teenage in my mid 30s..

ஆசை ஓர் புல்வெளி…. பொட்ட காட்டில் பூவாசம்….  

Ohh how I love the feeling…