Readers Write In #823: Nulls and Voids

By Samyogita Hardikar

Ananya Sangtarash didn’t leave work early that day like she had agreed to. She didn’t stop at the market on her way home. Once home, she didn’t shower; she didn’t cook; she didn’t clean. She didn’t dare to pick up the phone to reply to any of the messages asking if she had already left. She didn’t pick up a book. She didn’t sit down to practice tabla. She didn’t call her parents. She didn’t go beyond the “browse” window of Netflix. She didn’t eat. By 8 pm, she hadn’t thought up a good excuse why she couldn’t come. She didn’t suddenly come down with the flu. She didn’t get any bad news by phone. Her neighbour didn’t come to her door in crisis. The ground didn’t open up and swallow her whole.

At 8:15, she didn’t change into her sweatpants. She didn’t wear her best Salwar Kameez, she didn’t wear her comfiest jeans. She didn’t wear the new dress. She didn’t spend long on her hair. She didn’t wear makeup. Her Uber wasn’t late. The driver didn’t get lost. She didn’t manage to wear her earrings before leaving, and she didn’t put them in her bag. She didn’t check the charge on her phone. She didn’t bother finding a bag for the wine bottle. She didn’t have a free hand left to pick up the charger. It didn’t start raining cats and dogs. There weren’t any horrific incidents in the city. The roads weren’t closed. The driver wasn’t too chatty. He didn’t put on bass-heavy music that always Ananya a headache. Their car didn’t crash into anything or anyone.

She didn’t have to ring the bell twice. She didn’t recognize the girl who opened the door. She didn’t know any of the first seven faces she saw after entering. Heads didn’t turn as she walked past them. Her lips didn’t curve beyond a polite smile. She didn’t introduce herself to anyone. She didn’t get pulled into a dance huddle by strangers. The song that was playing didn’t tempt her to move. There wasn’t any “character” holding the crowd in the living room together.

She didn’t have to fake excitement on finally seeing Sam, Ameya and Sai in the kitchen. She didn’t try to explain why she was late. They didn’t overtly say that they were actually expecting her to be a no-show. No one said anything bitchy. No one brought up any sore points. The group didn’t go out of their way to include anyone from outside for more than five minutes. Ananya didn’t have to refill her own glass for the next hour. She didn’t keep checking her phone. She didn’t get a call from her mother. Her assistant didn’t message her in panic. She didn’t stop after the third glass of wine like she had planned to. She didn’t call it a night after an hour like she had planned to.

She didn’t look at the time before her phone ran out of battery. She didn’t ask anyone where she could get a charger. She didn’t hesitate to open the bedroom door and head for the desk where she knew she would find one. She didn’t think twice before leaving her phone there. She didn’t go back to the kitchen. She didn’t avoid eye-contact with the living room people. She didn’t see anyone being annoyingly drunk or any dancers trying too hard. Ananya didn’t mind that she didn’t know the song. She didn’t mind that she kept bumping into everybody. She didn’t cap her smile at “polite”.

When Adwait came and stood next to her, she didn’t really look at his face at first. He didn’t get a chance to ask her if she had seen his car keys. He didn’t get a chance to say anything at all before Ananya emptied the last of the wine she was pouring herself into his glass. She didn’t wait for him to introduce himself. He didn’t ask how she knew Sai and Ameya. He didn’t make any stupid jokes when she told him she was a psychiatrist. For the next fifty minutes, they didn’t talk about work. They didn’t talk about books or films or music or cricket or common friends. He didn’t ask her where she lived. She didn’t ask him about the stain on his shirt. She didn’t notice when he slowly switched their wine with water. Sai didn’t stay when she brought Adwait his car keys. No one in the room tripped on the speaker wires. The TV on mute didn’t show any breaking news about virus outbreaks or movie star’s arrest. The neighbours didn’t knock on the door to complain about noise.

When Adwait mumbled something about exchanging phone numbers, Ananya didn’t hear him the first time. He didn’t suppress his smile as he asked her again, more loudly.

There was no load-shedding or power-cut. The playlist didn’t end. Sai and Ameya’s dog didn’t run away when someone left the door open. No one dropped a plate or a glass or even a spoon. Tealights didn’t set the curtains on fire. The building didn’t collapse. War didn’t break out between India and Pakistan. Aliens didn’t make contact. Deadly meteors didn’t strike the planet.

Nothing at all happened before Ananya said, “Yes, sure.”